January 2011
All the tiny things
Last time my heart was broken i lost myself. You helped me find myself again, and then i guess you saw all the broken parts. I knew before i wasn’t deserving, but i had hopes i was and could be. Now you’re gone and, i really don’t know if i can keep hold of myself. If i can hold on to me and deal with the sadness i feel from losing you again. I know i am the problem, and i know...
“And in the end it was i who set the flame. I who started the blaze that took my...”
– Me
Today is the last day of my emotional life
Out of all my self doubt and my ways i know i am at fault. I know i fear love and when ever it gets to close i try to run away. I want to be in control and feel safe. You make me feel out of control. like im spinning. falling. i’d do anything for you and yet i can’t do anything for us. im afraid. and im stupid for it.
I knew i wouldn’t survive another heartbreak. i just...
Sick
So i’ve been sick for about two, almost three weeks now. I have to say i haven’t enjoyed it one bit. i feel like i look like shit. and i can’t stop losing weight, like ive gotten to 120 now and i look sickly. like i haven’t been eating or something, granted i haven’t been eating much since im sleeping most the day and there isnt really food here to eat. life will find...
Boyfriend Checklist
A friend reminded me of this today. A long time ago i scribbled out a boyfriend checklist, as to help myself put down all the qualities i wanted in a boyfriend so i could remember not to sell myself short or accept things i shouldn’t have to. Back then it said some silly shit like, “Must love jurassic park movies” and “Can’t do drugs ever!” Seems almost silly if...
Issues
So, I’m starting to think i really should go see a doctor. i wish i had insurance still. today i wasn’t able to tell how hot the water in my shower was. Like i couldn’t feel if it was boiling or just warm. awesome right? and the massive headaches still wont go away. this is all that i need right now. ugh. Tonight better be good, i really need it to be.
Hellogoodbye: betrayed by bones
From Hellogoodbye’s new cd
One of my favorite artists →
New Years
It’s now 2011, and ever since new years i have not been happier. I spent my evening at Fantastic Planet at the norva, it was amazing. And i got to spend it with the boy i love. My plans for this year are to get my shit straight. In the next few weeks my mom will have her tires fixed so i can borrow it during the hours i need for a new job i’ve found. Paper girl. hah, they don’t...